i could tell the exact moment it set in
a perceptible dip in the atmosphere
the first scent of rain before a storm

i felt the wobble inside me as i backed my car out of its spot,
windows fogged, mirrors obscured
in the silence of a parking lot at midnight

too much coffee lately
too many nights left to drift into mornings
too many preventable mistakes

and now the feeling in my chest of a breath exhaled twice
the loneliness and disastrous longings
a lifetime of sad songs and self-pity

give me back that blood burning in my veins
that tightness in my fists
that sudden, stupid awe

later

i'm already getting comfortable

Someday, with or without your help,
I'll overcome the acid, the oil in my blood
The tendency of every atom in my body
To pull towards a nonpolar covalent bond
With everyone who is lonely and sad and cursed with this rotting blood
Like attracts like

But forgive me until I work it out
Until I balance my pH with the right chemicals
Until I sanitize my blood
The things inside me are working against me
And they are pulling me