i could tell the exact moment it set in
a perceptible dip in the atmosphere
the first scent of rain before a storm

i felt the wobble inside me as i backed my car out of its spot,
windows fogged, mirrors obscured
in the silence of a parking lot at midnight

too much coffee lately
too many nights left to drift into mornings
too many preventable mistakes

and now the feeling in my chest of a breath exhaled twice
the loneliness and disastrous longings
a lifetime of sad songs and self-pity

give me back that blood burning in my veins
that tightness in my fists
that sudden, stupid awe

later

i'm already getting comfortable