literal summer depression

third-class passenger on a sinking ship
watching the lifeboats go to those who have more
who, because of good bloodlines or cunningness in business
or wiles enough to marry up,
began ahead and will finish ahead

gray, unbearably hot days
like a post-apocalyptic backdrop,
really just the normal weather in this dusty valley,
cloudy but swealtering,
always on the verge of a rain that never comes

all summer is dirty pools and gritty hamburgers
leftover time and waning ambition

i've been asking for help but never seem to find it
and each day that passes when i watch someone else
slide through trials and stages of life, unscathed and confident,
weighs me down even more
weighs me down against the roughness of life

it shreds and tears at me
and someone said to never give up,
that i can do anything i put my mind to
but those were lies and tricks to keep me busy
to keep me out of the way

and the world is finally wearing me down
and i spend my days,
too tired to even sweat,
watching that boiling gray sky

and at night i lay on the floor awake
while the bugs that infest the house crawl over me
and pray, without faith,
that if no one will help me,
at least they won't persecute me
and maybe i can just leave,
disappear into another life