d

blood burning in restricted arteries,
a lightness in the chest
like too much air
like too much smoke
dizziness and nausea in the throat

i met you once and planned out our future
in dreams and sweaty-palmed anxiety
my thoughts directed our actions
like mind control or telekinesis
like just wanting something could make it come true

i couldn’t wait but there was so much holding me back
i gave you over to alcohol and lonely nights
of isolation and hunger
and missed something about you that had nothing to do
with what you said or who you were

i didn’t get to have you but i made it close
and cancelled the low rise of feeling in the heart
the slow desperation and confusion in the heart